Homoerotic statues

Today I am going to attempt to cut a giant pine tree that's in the back yard.It is threatening to fall on my new fence so it must die.I'm not much of a woodsman,so it may take me out as well. Either way, damn tree,either way. If there are no more post on this site you'll know the tree prevailed,and in it's final act of defiance,killed your cousin.........One hour later. I'm back in from the yard and I may have chickened out on the tree cutting project.Just looking at the huge pine made my nuts shrivel up like raisins,only not as large and impressive.I'm not as brave as I let on to be, although I was fearless at one time.Walking the high iron,three hundred feet up on a beam eight inches wide. Dragging impacts,air hose,welding leads,and frightened apprentices from point to point.Connecting both ends and cutting the choker loose,bolt up,impact and weld the joints, before moving to the next.Damn I was good. The older I get the better I was.I'm still very brave when it comes to comedy.I'll lay into some gill breather in the front row at an Electric Cowboy in Texarkana without hesitation.That takes a big ol' set of pecans because a Cowboy crowd brings down the average intelligence a percentile point or two for the entire planet.When you have to explain a dick joke, all that is left is to get on an individual in the crowd. And with a Cowboy's clientele,picking on someone is painfully easy.Until you leave the club,then it's just painful.First comes the back-jump(those scenes on movies like Urban Cowboy where the combatants invite each other out with honor is a lie,these days it's all back-jumping and drive-bys)second comes the scrumbling(that's a word in Haletown)around on the ground.Then comes the part where Cousin Ricky realizes that he's about to get his ass whooped and he's forced to pull the Forty from the waist band of his Wrangler jeans(seventeen fifiy plus tax at China-Mart)and open fire.I didn't actually hit anyone.The first shot was at point blank range into Gill breath's girlfriends hairdo.The muzzle flash set the cheap dollar tree hairspray on fire and she lit up like a roman candle on a Micheal Jackson video! As aways,I use this distraction to escape.Then,on the drive home the next day, comes the inevitable call from THE BOOKER."You idiot!...Blaaaa..blaaaa..Only did twelve minutes of a fifty minute contract!...Blaaa...Blaaaaaa...Caused a fight...Blaa...blaaaa...Shot a woman's hair on fire.." This last rant made me chuckle,and I hardly ever chuckle.Shot a woman's hair on fire, I'll have to use that!" You think that's funny?"he said,"Well it's not!"In my mind I disagreed,Iknow funny,and that's funny as hell.A Booker by definition doesn't know funny.That's why they're a Booker!They didn't make it as a comic,because they weren't funny!He continued,"Furthermore,you wrecked the hotel(wasn't me, it was the hooker)emptied the mini bar(I was entertaining)and charged a hooker to our credit card number we left for your room!"( She was the entertainment.)"We're canceling your dates and replacing you with the Disingenuous Clown!" Then he hung up on me.This was,without a doubt,the proudest moment of my life! All my hard work had pail off.I had officially out partied the Clown.I am less responsible than the Disingenuous Clown,and the DC can throw down with the best of them.He's my hero and hero's are hard to find in this business,I tell you ! I was at a party at The Funniest Guy In America's house, and The Clown wrecked the place.Funny Guy made a pass at Clown and he retaliated with destruction on a grand scale.Of course I helped,I had to.To prove that I am NOT gay,I threw a homoerotic statue into the pool.....by grabbing the statue's pee pee.What does that say subconsciously?Was it a Freudian slip?I did not know that about me.Think I'll go play some football now.Throw the old pigskin around.And if I score I'll do a sweet touchdown dance by pretending to spank an imaginary team mate on his cute little butt while asking him"Who's your cousin"!!! copyright2010 cousinrickyLLC