Arrested for Sara Palin

Today,my wife informed me that we're short on money in checking. So I drag the Harley out and head off to the clinic to sell some bone marrow.There's a slight chance the procedure may cause leukemia,but that's a small price to pay for everyone in the family to have an i phone.They need the ability to talk,text,twitter,blog,surf,video,photo,edit,download,upload,file share,dial 411,or access GPS if they find themselves lost at Tractor Supply! A place they know nothing about because Tractor Supply sells stuff to work with. On the way home,I'm feeling a little weak because I have no white blood cells left.Everyone knows that when your white cell count gets low you are susceptible to opportunistic infection.A person needs antiseptic in this situation and the best antiseptic is alcohol and they sell copious quantities at The Bar. So I wheel in for a few dozen ice cold bottles of survival fluid.Many hours later,having taught my liver who the boss is,(boy I tell you), I knee walk to my motorcycle. To add to the challenge of making it home alive I had lost the use of the right side of my body. And the front tire is low of air.Really,really low.I quickly calculated my odds as exactly the same of me making a successful ascent of Mount Everest wearing a speedo, assisted by a three legged burro and a gay Sherpa guide named Limb Hung Lowe. Not too bad of odds when I considered the alternative, calling my wife for a ride, and having to listen to IT,.... all the way home! The loss of the use of my right arm proved to be problematic though,being the throttle is on that side of the handle bar.I cleverly solved the problem by using the throttle lock to set the R.P.M's to about 2000 then used the gearbox to determine the speed.It would have worked too, if it wasn't for that damn D.U.I checkpoint. I overshot the stop by a hundred yards. So what, I'm handicapped. The cop finally came panting up. I noticed he didn't have a neck,or a waist. What he did have was attitude. "You had a little trouble stopping didn't you buddy"? Sarcasm and sweat dripping from his words. " You think that was something just wait 'til you see me try to take off"! I retort. I thought that a small amount of brevity was called for here. I was wrong.The cop goes ballistic."Blaa...blaa....drunker than hell ...blaa..blaa....kill your stupid self..blaaaa...or someone else......".I feel myself coming down with leukemia.Stage one causes hallucinations and the cop is starting to look like Jabba the Hut.He has a leash made of chain and Sara Palin, dressed in a futuristic sex worker outfit, is on the other end.I jerk the leash from Jabba's hand and set Sara Palin free. "Run little tea bag girl". I scream. Then in a moment of lucidness(that's a word in Haletown)the cop is back,yelling "You never touch an officer"!He's missing a large portion of his shirt and I'm wearing his badge,but Sara Palin is free,....free to travel this great country of ours. Free to speak to patriots wearing powdered wigs and looking a lot like Paul Revere' brother Cletis Revere.Free to speak for a small phenomenal fee of course. Free to tea bag me any time she wishes! Any time she wishes! I'll drive to meet her.Anyway I type this from the drunk tank,using my i phone that I smuggled in my anus.Later, when I am placed in general population, I will trade Internet access for sex and cigarettes.I'll be like,Let me ride that donkey,donkey,donkey!Ride that donkey,donkey,donkey.Everybody scream,scream,scream. "Who's your cousin"